Salewa and Niyi first met during one of the National University Games (N.U.G.A). Salewa was representing her school in the sprints, while Niyi played Badminton for his university. They became friendly and after the games, they kept exchanging letters and phone calls. This fostered their relationship as their schools were at two extreme ends of the country thus making it difficult for them to pay each other visits though they visited each other whenever they were on vacation. About a year later, Niyi came to Lagos from Maiduguri, in search of an engineering firm with which to work for five months on industrial attachment. This movement to Lagos created the opportunity for Niyi to visit Salewa regularly in the university of Lagos; thus causing the two to become closer friends. A few months later, Niyi expressed his love to Salewa and asked her to be his girlfriend; already hoping for such a development, Salewa gladly accepted.
When Niyi came to Lagos, he had to rent a place of his own as he did not have any relative he could stay with in Lagos and fortunately, he got a mini-flat. One day, Salewa left campus to visit Niyi and to her surprise, there was a lady in his apartment. The manner in which the lady reacted to her presence made Salewa suspicious of her but when she asked Niyi about the lady he explained that she was a cousin who had come to pay him a visit.
However, on entering into his bedroom, Salewa found traces that suggested that the lady had actually spent the night with Niyi and when she confronted him, he told her that the lady was a former girlfriend of his who was attempting a comeback. He said that he had already told her that it was not possible but she had come so late the previous evening that he had no option but to let her stay the night while he slept in his sitting room. Salewa was not convinced that nothing had happened and she was quite upset with Niyi so she left his place in anger. On her way back to campus, Salewa made up her mind not to continue dating Niyi but about an hour after she left his apartment, Niyi was in her room on campus begging her and insisting that there was nothing between him and the lady Salewa met in his house. She was his former lover and everything had ended between them. He promised her that she would never have cause to doubt his character again. With these and many other words, Salewa decided to overlook the issue and forgive him.
Over the next one year, Salewa had cause several times to suspect Niyi of unfaithfulness but most of the time, he would ask for her forgiveness and promise to change. After a while, she began to reason that his unfaithfulness was due to a deficiency on her part and so she began to go out of her way to please him. She gave excuses for his lack of self-control and thought that with time and affection from her, he would change.
When Niyi graduated, he was posted to Lagos for his National Youth Service Corp (N.Y.S.C) program to Salewa’s delight. They then began to make plans to get married after Niyi’s N.Y.S.C as Salewa would also have completed her course. However, this was not to be so as Salewa got pregnant and had to miss her final exams. Her parents were very unhappy with this development and forbade Salewa from continuing the relationship with Niyi though they wanted her to keep the baby. Her parents’ stance turned Salewa aginst them and as a result, she packed out of their house one day to start living with Niyi. This caused an estrangement between Salewa and her parents but after she gave birth, her parents had to accept her decision and they accepted Niyi as her husband. However, Salewa never went back to school.
The early years of the marriage between Niyi and Salewa were happy ones though with little ups and downs. In the fifth year however, Salewa began to have cause for worry over her husband’s changing attitude. He would come home late from work day after day, giving the same excuse all the time “I had to attend an urgent meeting and it took a while before we got through.” He would say this and then head straight for the bedroom, obviously tired. Salewa’s suspicion was further aroused when she found some love notes in his suit pockets and his clothes began to smell of female perfumes. It was clear to Salewa that Niyi was having an affair. Over the next fourteen years, Salewa overlooked all of Niyi’s indiscretions just as she had done while they were courting; she continued hoping that her love and affection would make him change.
One day, Niyi told Salewa that his office was sending him to France for a four months course. Salewa and their four kids could not go with him but she was happy about the trip, as it would improve his chances of promotion in the office. Salewa had a small supermarket but it was mainly to keep her busy rather than contribute significantly to the family and any extra income Niyi was likely to get was highly welcomed.
When Niyi was about two weeks late in returning from his course, she went to his office to make enquiries about the delay. To her disbelief, she was told that Niyi had resigned from the organisation on completing the course and had gotten employment with another company in France. In a daze, Salewa returned home but she received the most shattering of the news a month later when she learnt that Niyi wanted a divorce in order to marry another woman he had met in France. Salewa was confused and could not believe that something she had tried to prevent from happening for fourteen years had finally taken place and now she was faced with the reality of raising four young boys on her own.
The choice of the person we pick to spend the rest of our lives with will undoubtedly go along way in determining our future happiness or sorrow. The time we spend courting thus is an all-important period, as it provides the opportunity for us to know the person we are planning to marry before marital vows are exchanged.
The process of getting to know is one that we cannot but ask God for his divine guidance and direction. He is the only one who can reveal who another person is to us, so we cannot but be prayerful about it, if we desire to be successful in our choice. Furthermore, we need to make sure this process is not thwarted by pre-marital sex. God abhors any sexual relationship between a man and a woman who are not legally married. It causes us to be bonded to another person before we get married to them. This sexual bonding is counter-productive as it has no commitment and in most cases leads to heartbreak.
There is nothing that halts the process of really knowing each other like pre-marital sex. It does not only expose one to venereal diseases, but could also lead to unwanted pregnancy, as in Salewa’s case. Salewa did not have to wait for fourteen years before realizing that Niyi was both irresponsible and callous; the handwriting was always on the wall right from their courtship period. If only she had paid careful attention to read and observe them, she would have not found herself in the present mess.
One of the major ways God attests to our choice of a life partner is through parental approval. This does not in any way suggest that they make the choice for us, but that they approve of the choice we make. When this is absent, we may need to have a rethink on the path we have chosen to walk. Salewa went ahead to marry Niyi against her parents’ wishes and her latter end reveals that she should have heeded their voice. Our parents and family members are our last resort when thing are rough in life, thus it is wise that we do not let our choice of a life partner cause a rift between us and them. For more information on how to choose your life partner, I recommend my book “Choosing a Life Partner, 165 Question To Ask”
God designed us to relate with him in every issue of life, and until we have him in our hearts, we remain incapable of experiencing true love. If you are yet to have a relationship with him, I advise that you do so today by asking Jesus Christ to come into your life, to be your personal Lord and Saviour. He loves you more than you can ever comprehend. But you must choose today to say yes to Him and you will receive the love of God. If you will like to give your life to Christ, please say this prayer after me: Dear heavenly father, I come to you today and ask you to forgive my sins. I believe in my heart that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe that he was raised from the dead for my justification and I confess Him now as my Lord and Saviour. Thank you for saving me. Amen
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